This blog post has been a long time coming. If we're getting technical, it's actually been about 9 months coming. It is crazy how quickly time goes by and how easy it is to push something off. Like "oh i'll start blogging more once I'm out of school, or once I've finished this or that." Well, the truth of the matter is, I don't know how much longer I can make excuses.
For those of you who don't know me personally, I have been studying abroad for the past 6 months in Nantes, France. Yes, France, the capital of cheese, bread, wine and desserts. Exactly the opposite of my diet. So you may be asking yourself, how did I fend in a world where gluten and dairy are integral parts of the culture? The quick response is with difficulty. Going into the trip I was very nervous about how I was going to get around without my local co-ops and Whole Foods markets to supply me with the ingredients to follow my basically paleo diet. In addition to that, I knew that I would be living with a host family with whom I would be eating the majority of my meals with. The first month I was able to follow my diet, between some of the food I had brought with me from the U.S. to the almond butter, buckwheat biscuits, and dairy-free chocolate I had found in a health foods store there. It also helped a lot that my host family was very accommodating and would cook me meals with lots of veggies and meat. However, after some time, watching my friends pick up pastries at the local boulangerie between classes or sitting out while others sampled cheeses in my gastronomy class, I began to feel like I was missing out on a huge part of the french culture, where food and the traditions associated with it are very important.
So I began sampling little things here and there, a baguette, cheese, cookies. With eating these foods there came both happiness and belonging, but also an intense sense of guilt and shame. Happiness because I finally felt more apart of the culture and not so different from everyone else like I had for the past year and a half because of my food sensitivities. Belonging because I no longer had to eat something different than everyone else or not go to an event because there wouldn't be food that I could eat. But then there was the guilt because I knew that these foods were not good for me and would make me feel sick. Shame because I had come into the trip saying I wasn't going to eat these foods and had had people go to great lengths to ensure that I would be able to follow my diet. And then when I decided that I didn't want to follow it, it was kind of like I wasn't valuing the huge efforts people had put forth to try to help me with my diet.
You may be wondering how did I feel, physically, after not eating these foods for so long. The thing is, at first, I didn't notice that much of a difference, at least not anything severe. No shooting pains, no vomiting or extreme intestinal discomfort, no fainting. A lot of the things that I may have feared would have happened didn't. So I thought, hey, why am I even doing this diet anyways if I feel the exact same when I don't do it? I'm not dying when I eat this bread, so why don't I eat this all the time and make my life a whole lot easier? However, I failed to realize (at first) that these foods that I had been avoiding affected me at a more subtle level, yet still serious. With time, I realized that I had poorer digestion, congestion, headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, and weight gain. But because they weren't any type of immediate pain, I continued to ignore how I felt and continued eating gluten, dairy etc. A large part of it had to do with wanting to experience the culture, but I believe another element had to do with an idealization of the food that I was no longer allowed to eat. I missed being able to eat pizza with friends, warm chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, a sandwich on the go, popcorn while watching a movie. And in my head I had started to idealize these foods because I could no longer eat them and imagined that if I had the chance to eat them, it would be this amazing experience. It's kind of like that whole "hard to get" thing. If you can't have it, it just makes you want it more. However, after several months of eating the foods that I thought that I had missed so dearly and ignoring how sick I felt, I realized that eating these foods was not as important and amazing as I had made up in my mind. That I actually found myself missing my old diet, and cooking at home. That how you feel is much more important than eating some food that you thought would make you happy. Part of me missed my "old life" because I had idealized it and thought that it was somehow better. But the truth is that I was failing to appreciate the beauty of my present life, and all of the wonderful things that it had given me. Even though I couldn't have pizza with my friends, I had learned how to cook. Even though I no longer made chocolate chip cookies, I found new recipes that still tasted really good. Even though I didn't eat sandwiches on the go, I felt better and had better digestion. Even though I didn't get to have popcorn at movies, I discovered some amazing food blogs, and was inspired to create my own. There were so many positives to my diet that I let be overshadowed by a desire to somehow get back my past life by eating the foods I had used to eat.
While at the same time I had to learn to forgive myself and accept that I was not going to strictly follow my diet because it was a part of the experience and a part of experiencing the culture. Do I regret not following my diet? No, I do not because it allowed me to do several things. It allowed me to experience the culture and it allowed me to let go of this fantasy that I had created in my head of the previous foods that I had eaten. And most importantly it allowed me to realize that my sensitivities were real and that following them is important to me. Before I had gone to France, I hadn't ever tried any of the foods that I had found out I was sensitive to. I just followed the diet because that's what my doctor told me to do. And I began to feel better. But there was always a small part of me that wondered, "do I really need to follow this diet?" "what would happen if I didn't?" "maybe it's not really helping me that much". So by trying gluten, dairy, and some of my other sensitivities, I was able to realize that the diet actually was making a huge different in my health on a daily basis. It truly hit me when I got back to the US and decided to follow my old diet like I had before. I immediately noticed a difference after just 4 days. I was no longer congested, I had more energy, no stomach aches, no headaches, less anxious, better digestion, and a reduction in inflammation in my joints. Quite a few positives, am I right?! Before, I had no idea that my sensitivities had been affecting me in so many ways. I had read about these symptoms affecting others, but I had not noticed them in myself before. I had always speculated that maybe I would experience the same symptoms, but I had never directly observed them myself. However, now I have had the first-hand experience with the world of a difference avoiding these foods can make- which has helped strengthen my commitment to cooking and following my diet.
This experience has taught me so many things. It has taught me that my food sensitivities are real and legitimate and that I shouldn't let other people's skepticism or negativity about it discourage me. I have learned that it is okay once in a while to stray from the diet, that I won't die, and that there is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about, which is how I may have reacted before. I have learned that I am very fortunate to live in a country and with a family who supports me and allows me to eat this way. Eating this way definitely requires resources and support, which I have luck to thank for being born in a family and country where it is possible. So I have left this experience feeling liberated and grateful. Liberated because I now feel like I am choosing to eat this way, not because I have to. And grateful that I am aware of my food sensitivities and that I have the resources to eat in a way that allows me to feel my best.
Writing this post was not easy for me. It exposes a lot of my interior issues with food that I have struggled with, but I don't think that I can have a blog and not be honest. I don't like to hide things, I like to be open and direct. I don't want to put out an idealized picture of my life or my food journey. I have experienced a lot of ups and downs with my diet and my food sensitivities and I still find myself searching for that balance. I hope that you can appreciate my honesty, because I know that I value it when others are honest with me.
And with that, a new recipe, to celebrate my return home, and the re-start of my blogging and renewed outlook on my diet and food. Today I have a zucchini noodle recipe for you that delivers a zing! My spiralizer was dearly missed by me while I was in France, and it has been working overtime since I got back. Like i've said before, it's such an easy and fun way to eat/cook vegetables. To me, this recipe is light, fresh, and summery. The almond-cilantro dressing adds an array of flavors, while all of the vegetables keep it light and give it texture. It seems like it could be on the menu at an asian restaurant. The almond dressing is reminiscent of a peanut dressing. So, without further ado, my first recipe in 9 months. And hopefully more to come in the near future. Merci beaucoup et bon appétit!
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Serves: 2
The Ingredients:
The Creation:
1. In a wok pan over medium heat, allow the olive oil to warm for a few minutes and then add the red onion. Allow the onion to sauté for 3-5 minutes.
2. Add the green and yellow pepper, and mushrooms along with the salt and chili powder. Allow to sauté for 7-10 minutes on medium heat, mixing occasionally. The vegetables should soften and start to brown a little bit.
3. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, prepare the almond dressing. Add the almond butter, garlic, lime juice, coconut oil, and cilantro together and mix with a whisk until smooth.
4. Once the vegetables are done cooking, add the zucchini noodles and almond sauce to the pan. Stir thoroughly and allow to cook for 2 more minutes.
5. Garnish with extra cilantro or lime juice and it's ready to serve. Bon appétit!
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Serves: 2
The Ingredients:
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1/2 red onion, chopped
- 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped into small squares
- 1/2 yellow bell pepper, chopped into small squares
- 3 medium mushrooms, chopped
- 1/4 teaspoon sea salt
- a pinch of chili powder
- 2 teaspoons almond butter
- 1 garlic clove, minced
- juice of a 1/2 lime
- 1 tablespoon coconut oil, melted
- 2 tablespoons cilantro, finely chopped
- 1 whole zucchini, spiralized
The Creation:
1. In a wok pan over medium heat, allow the olive oil to warm for a few minutes and then add the red onion. Allow the onion to sauté for 3-5 minutes.
2. Add the green and yellow pepper, and mushrooms along with the salt and chili powder. Allow to sauté for 7-10 minutes on medium heat, mixing occasionally. The vegetables should soften and start to brown a little bit.
3. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, prepare the almond dressing. Add the almond butter, garlic, lime juice, coconut oil, and cilantro together and mix with a whisk until smooth.
4. Once the vegetables are done cooking, add the zucchini noodles and almond sauce to the pan. Stir thoroughly and allow to cook for 2 more minutes.
5. Garnish with extra cilantro or lime juice and it's ready to serve. Bon appétit!